


how things have changed

by redcryingangels



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Drug Addiction, Military, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peter Parker is 21, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prostitution (past), i don't know anything about the military im sorry, no beta we die like men, sleep is for the weak, wade has nicer scars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:34:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25244725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redcryingangels/pseuds/redcryingangels
Summary: Three years ago, Peter Parker was a goddamn mess. He was addicted to about everything you could be addicted to, homeless, and a forced prostitute to pay for his drug habit. But that all changed when Tony Stark realized his intern needed help. When Mr. Stark took him in. But that all changed when, months later, he OD's on heroin. Banner, Stark, hell even Pepper is just DONE with him. and so... he leaves. Without even giving them the chance to reject him.Now, a rising star in the military, Peter Parker lives under the name Nokk Rowan. His life is going up. He's a talented soldier, a major in the military, has a fiancé. Friends. A life.But that all changes when seasoned Colonel James Rhodes asks to meet this rising star. Tony Stark's best friend, Colonel Rhodes.
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 16
Kudos: 88





	1. now... we wait

**Author's Note:**

> so......
> 
> hi. sorry to everyone who is waiting on me to update my other fic, i haven't been able to do much of anything recently. 
> 
> but, uh, i opened my old laptop and there were a couple of paragraphs of this, so i just... continued writing it.

Its been three years since I’d been involved with them. Any of them. To the day, this Saturday.

I’d successfully avoided them for three years. Though I suppose they weren’t in to hurry to see me, either. 

But as a “rising star” in the military, meeting Colonel Rhodes was likely. And damn Parker luck made it inevitable. However, I hoped I could put it off just a little bit longer, just enough to go back to my place in Hell’s Kitchen and pack everything up. Sell most of it and the shitty apartment.

Nope. Earlier that day, before I was released, I got a call. Rhodes wanted to meet me that Saturday. 

I sighed, slipping out the back door with my mask secured on my face and my suit on.

Everything would have to wait.

***

Apparently, everyone knew about the decision to ruin my goddamn life. 

Wade dropped by the hotel I was put in, ready to help in any way he could. As soon as he walked in through the door, my roommate waggled his eyes and suddenly had somewhere to be. We crashed on the couch, ready to binge whatever stupid, new show we could find, but as the TV flicked on…

Well, of course it was the Daily Bugle. I would’ve found the fact that they were praising Major Nokk Rowan funny if it hadn’t come at that exact moment. The irony was not wasted on me, that they'd hate me when I didn’t kill, but loved me when I did. 

No one- not even Wade- knew who I was. Knew that Major Nokk Rowan and Peter Parker, homeless junkie, masked vigilante, were one in the same. And I knew that was a problem, that I was hiding my entire past from my fiancee, but…

He couldn’t know.

No one could. 

So, as my name flashed across the screen, I- understandably so- froze. “Huh,” Wade murmured. “You know, I used to hate the Daily Bugle. I mean, I still do, but… this makes them a bit better.” 

I forcibly relaxed, letting my head loll onto his shoulder. “Not that I disagree… but why did you hate them?”

He audibly swallowed above me. “I used to have a friend. I didn’t know his actual name, and we only hung out with masks on, but… the Daily Bugle trashed him from the moment he made himself known. And continued to mock and degrade him after he disappeared. Its been a couple of years, you know, since he left, but I still hope that he's out there. He's alive.”

Shock rippled through me. What a day that was, after the arranged date to meet with the one man who would bring down my entire life with one look, I learned the man I love knew me before. Back when I was desperate for any way to get my next hit. 

Though I knew how much of an amazing man Wade was, the thought still nagged at me. That, when I told him the truth, he wouldn’t be able to handle it. What I’d done to feed my addiction. 

“I’m so sorry.” I was an addict back then, but I was still an addict the day the date was set. 

***

That night, as we laid on the queen-size mattress, I starred at the light laying on Wade’s chest. The dips and pools of moonlight draped over the mountains of scars crisscrossing the hard muscle. Wade didn’t stir as I ran my pointer finger over the grooves of the abused skin.

He’ll hate me.

I rolled off the bed, sparing a single second to savor the feel of the sheets between my fingers, and strode to the bathroom. With how many times I’d done it already, I already knew how to pack a getaway bag. I’d hidden it underneath the sink in the bathroom, with a wall of paper towels, cleaning supplies, and toilet paper protecting it from view. 

My hand was on the doorknob when I heard the sheets shifting in the other room. I froze.

“…Nokk?” 

I swallowed quietly. Turned around. “Just in the bathroom, Wade.”

***

The next day, Wade begged me to let him take me out. A surprise, he said, and that I had to trust him. 

Now, I always had a problem with trust. Especially since I’d tried to run the previous night. So my anxiety from the upcoming meeting was doubled by my lack of sleep and tripled by my lack of ability to leave. Then, I had to trust someone with my life.

Luckily, it was the one person I knew I could trust.

That didn't stop me from worrying. In the car, I gripped the handle on top as tight as I dared without breaking it. An old habit that I’d never bothered to curb came back, and I dragged my nails back and forth across the palm of my free hand. 

From the drivers seat, Wade glanced down at my habit. A second later his warm, larger hand settled over mine, quieting the grounding pinpricks. “You’ll be okay, Nokk. I promise. I think you’ll enjoy it, but if you ever feel like you need to go home, we can get out asap. I swear.”

I looked over to study the curve of his throat, dragging my eyes up to trace the lines of his face. “I know. I trust you.” I took a deep breath. “I just… get nervous.” My voice wavered.

He squeezed my hand, voice soft. “I know. But you're going to like this.”

The ride was surprisingly quick. It didn’t give me much time to get more freaked out, which was good. When we pulled into the parking lot, I melted. 

Melted into my seat. 

“Oh, Wade…” I said, turning to look at him. After he parked, I traced his jaw with my thumb, leaning over to press a lingering kiss onto his lips. 

“I thought you might prefer this to a classic dinner date. You know, to take your mind off of everything…” Wade trailed off, uncertainty coloring his voice. “If you don’t like it, we can go back-“

“No. Wade, its… its perfect.” 

Wade had picked a place where I could be surrounded by what I loved, while still being able to help. To work. He volunteered us at an anima, shelter.

As we passed through the doors, I had to admit- I squealed.

***

We spent the day at the shelter.

I loved it, but it tore me apart. I loved Wade Wilson. I loved Wade Wilson, and the thought that I had to leave him ripped me to shreds.

But if I stayed, and the world learned who I was… Wade Wilson would be the first to be taken, tortured. If Colonel Rhodes saw me, he’d go to Mr. Stark and they'd tell the world that Private N. Rowan was really a deadbeat from Queens… and, you know, an ex-vigilante. 

And even with Wade’s abilities, he’d be taken in and forced into a life as a lab rat.

So I had to leave. 

I had to.

If I didn’t, the next day would bring exactly what I feared.

***

An hour after we turned in, Wade had a nightmare.

I hadn’t slept, of course. But Wade soon started whimpering, calling out. Squeezing his fists, shaking his head desperately from side to side. 

“Shhh, shh. You’re okay, Wade. It’s me, its Nokk,” I whispered, stroking his face, smoothing his hair. Anything so sooth him after he violently jerked awake. “We’re okay, baby.”

“Nokk,” He sobbed, reaching for me. “Nokk.”

“We’re in the hotel in Manhattan. In several hours we’re going to meet Colonel James Rhodes, to discuss my career in the military. Then after, we’re going to come back here. And I’m going to kiss you.” I pressed my lips to his forehead. “Slowly, softly, and I’m going to hold you while we binge Umbrella Academy for the tenth time.”

Wade was slowly coming to, the heart-shattering sobs fading into whimpers against the crook of my neck. I cradled his head, letting him bow over me. “Shhh, you’re okay. We’re okay.”

Time passed. Minutes or hours, I didn’t know, but I laid there, holding him. Eventually, he whispered onto my neck, “please don't leave. Please don’t leave me.”

The pain in my chest spiderwebbed. “I’m right here, Wade, I’m here.”

***

The morning was surprisingly quiet. Uneventful. 

I woke up to Wade thanking someone at the door. 

He whistled as he wheeled the cart into our room. Blearily, I reached out toward him, grumbling. He smiled softly at me, taking a seat on the right side of the bed. I curled around him, kissing any skin I could find underneath his black t-shirt. 

“Wade, Wade, Wade.”

He hummed. “Nokk, Nokk, Nokk.”

“Come back to bed…”

He paused uncovering the dishes to drag his hand through my hair. “No, baby, we have to get up. We have a meeting soon.”

We have a… a meeting…

Colonel Rhodes.

Panic hit me like a freight train. 

Wade’s hands were on my shoulders, pushing me down. “Hey, now, none of that. You’ll be fine, I promise. He’s going to love you,” he murmured, stroking my bare skin. “You’ll be okay.”

I focused on his exaggerated breathing, forcing my lungs to draw in, deep, and slowly let go. Again and again. 

“Wade,” I breathed. 

“Yeah, babe. I’m right here.”

“Wade.” I gripped his wrists tightly. “I have to get out of here.” 

He looked startled. “What? No, Nokk- this is your career. Your life. You have to go.” 

I swallowed a sob. That’s the point, I wanted to say. To tell him that the moment I went to that meeting, I wouldn’t be Nokk Rowan anymore. 

Mr. Stark knew everything I’d done to get my hands on drugs back then, things that had happened to me. Things that still terrify me. By extension, Colonel Rhodes knew everything, too. They told each other everything. Colonel Rhodes wouldn’t even have to go to Tony to ruin my life.

He could do it himself.

I lunged up to wrap my arms roughly around him, pressing my face into his shoulder. His hands came up around me, starting to rock us slowly. “Whatever happens today, Wade, I love you. Okay? I love you. And I’m sorry.”

He hummed. “What could you possibly have to be sorry for, Nokk?”

So much.


	2. goodbye, myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter makes arrangements.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHA, YOU THOUGHT.
> 
> anyway... you didn't think i'd give you the catalyst so soon, did you?

Once again, the drive was full of anxiety. Except this time I was driving. I was told to use my army Jeep, a large, bulletproof car that was more of a tank, without the weapons, and due to protocols, I was the only one allowed to drive it.

Next to me, Wade kept up a string of babbling that I was sure _he_ was only half-listening to, but I was grateful for the distraction. I had to have faith that Wade could take care of himself, and that him hating me would discourage anyone looking to harm him.

I repeated that in my head again in again to stop myself from just jumping out and running. With my

enhancements, I’d most likely be able to get away.

But I couldn’t do that to Wade.

Not when these were the last couple of minutes I’d ever have with him.

Dread turned my limbs to stone. Around the steering wheel, I tightened my fists, hoping the pain would force me to pay attention. Wade noticed, of course, but he didn’t comment on it. Instead he reached over, his hand on my knee, and squeezed.

_I’m here,_ he seemed to say.

I flashed him a grateful smile before he continued babbling.

***

“Rhodey- please come back.”

Colonel Rhodes sighed at his phone, resting on the his dashboard. “Pepper, I have a meeting. A meeting I _have_ to go to.”

She audibly swallowed. “And you know I'm the last person to ask you to skip it. But he’s… he’s almost hysterical. Hasn’t slept in days.”

“Why?”

“He thinks he found him. Peter.”

“Its been three years. I miss him too, I really do. But he’s either dead or gone.”

“I- I _know._ But he doesn’t. Just, please, Rhodey?”

He bit back another sigh and pulled off the road to reprogram his GPS. “Okay, Pep. See you soon.”

“Thank you. Really.”

***

He knew he’d said it before, but this time- _this time_ it really was Peter. It had to be.

The facial recognition was an exact match.

Maybe he was tired, but that didn’t matter. He’d abandoned Peter for _three years._

And this one was a stretch. He realized that. He knew he’d believed he’d found Peter so many times

before, and been wrong every time.

“FRI,” Tony gasped out. “FRI, is it really him?”

“Indeed, boss. The facial recognition is an exact match.”

***

“This is Rowan,” I barked into my phone. I’d almost crushed the device after it startled me out of myanxiety-ridden stupor. I was just able to restrain myself as Wade looked over.

“Colonel Rhodes isn’t able to make it. Personal business has called him away.” Jameson, my superior, growled. “And check the tone, Major.”

I sagged with relief. Wade slipped half-behind me, supporting my weight with his chest and shoulder. “Yessir.” I tried not to let anything slip into my voice.

“You’ve been rescheduled for two days from now. Same place. Don’t screw it up, Major.” With that, he hung up.

I let my head loll back onto Wade’s shoulder. His arms slipped around my waist, under my arms. “You’re okay.”

I released a long breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. “Yeah. Yes.” I didn’t know who I was trying to convince- me or him.

He sighed into my hair. “Let’s head back to the hotel, yeah? We can order some pickup on the way.”

I lightly squeezed his wrist. “Yeah, okay.”

***

I sat in Wade’s lap on the bed, his laptop in front of us and a tall plate of waffles on the tray beside us. I’d yet to touch the food, and I knew Wade noticed, but neither one of us mentioned it. Some mindless movie played on the screen, but I wasn’t paying attention.

I picked up Wade’s wrist from where it lay on the comforter and brought it up to rest on my chest. After a second of savoring the warm weight, I picked it up again to press my lips against the silver band around his ring finger.

Wade almost purred, the vibrations welcome against my back. His other arm pulled me farther against him. “What’s goin’ on in that brain of yours, sweetheart?”

Idly, I surveyed the room to buy myself time. I considered telling him everything. All of it.

“Just how lucky I am.”

For another selfish, two days with him.

***

“I need you to get me a safe house.”

Bo wasn’t surprised to hear from me. He was the only contact I kept from my life on the streets- a man who worked with the mercenaries and killers in New York’s underbelly. “Well, Parker. Or Rowan, I suppose. It’s been a while.”

“Are you able to secure one for me in two days? I need it by that night.”

“Sure, kid. I’ve got one on the outskirts of Stamford, in Southern Connecticut. It’s a little less than an hour by car.”

“Great. It’s not for me. It’s just a precaution. I need a team, too. Keep it sleek and slim, no more than fifteen people. Set them up for an extraction and protection mission.” I needed _something_ to ensure that Wade got away, safely.

On the line, Bo grunted. “Got it. My A team just finished up their last job last week, and they’re laying low. They’re up for it. But ya know this is gonna cost you, right?”

“Of course.”

“Aight, you can reach Alpha at-“

***

I stepped quietly back into the room, closing the door behind me with a click. Immediately, I slid in the deadbolt and double checked it.

When I was done, I reseted my forehead against the hard wood, a sigh slipping from my lips. I knew this was coming. I knew if from the second I changed my name.

I’d been living on borrowed time every day for the past three years, and that time was soon to be up.

I’d given little thought to what would actually happen when Tony learned who I was. I knew my life as Nokk Rowan would be over. New he’d go online and tell people, and they’d realize Nokk Rowan didn’t actually exist.

They wouldn’t be able to strip me of my position as Major, given that everything was technically legal. The name change, the stripping of contacts, even the disappearance, was all technically above-board.

But if Peter Parker came out, there would definitely be people willing to come after Wade to get at me. It’s a disgrace to lie to the public.

Not to mention that if Peter Parker came out, Spiderman would likely follow. A target on Wade’s back.

I’d go with Rhodes and Tony if it gave Wade just an _hour_ of protection.

***

“Nokk?”

I gasped and spun, instinctively going for the web shooters that were no longer there.

“Whoa there, it’s just me.” Wade opened the door to the bathroom slowly, hands out. As if I was a startled animal he was trying not to spook.

I swallowed, breaking eye contact to look at the ground. Water from the shower ran down my face, causing me to blink away the moisture. “Sorry.”

His shoulders slumped a bit, and he walked toward me. “Hey, I thought we’d gotten over that. You know you don’t have to apologize for anything like that.” Hand on the shower handle, he looked at me for permission. I nodded.

He reached for me, tucking me under his chin. “Sorry- ah, old habits die hard, I guess,” I murmured into the warm skin of his neck.

He hummed quietly, and started to rock us gently.

We stood there for a while, water running down our bare bodies. Eventually Wade started humming again, some song mildly familiar.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” I whispered.

He quieted. “I… I don’t know what you’re going through, Nokk, but I know you’ll pull through. You always do. But I can’t help if you don't let me in.” He paused. “Please let me in.”

“I can’t. You’d hate me. _I_ hate me for it.”

He pushed me away slightly to look down at me. “You know I’d never hate you. _Never.”_

I stared into his blue eyes, determination lining them harshly.

My mouth moved of it’s own accord.

“You might.”

***

After the shower, we were distant.

Wade dried off and put on clothes, and then he was out the door with only a second of hesitation. A moment for me to ask him to stay. When I didn’t, he simply sighed, and let the door shut behind him.

I stared after him, naked, for longer than I cared to admit. Eventually, I sank to the floor, crumpling over my legs, but I stared at that closed door until the sun went down.

I had one night and one morning left.

After I snapped out of it, I pulled up contacts in my phone, hitting the call button of Bo’s contact before I even realized what was happening.

“Sir?”

“Alpha. Is your team ready?”

“They’ll be there and ready at seven, ready for the go ahead.”

“Good. When he walks out, take four cars and trail him. You know the plan. Wait for my signal.”

“Yessir.”

_Click._

***

When Rhodey had walked into Tony’s lab, hell broke loose.

Immediately he noticed the state of the room. Messy, chaotic, as usual, but a series of holograms and tests showed up everywhere, all focused on the same thing- _Peter Parker._

“Rhodey- Rhodes, I’ve _got him, I found him-_ “ Tony’s voice was shaky, panicky. As he turned around, Rhodey took in the dark, thick bags under his eyes. The thinness of his face.

“Tony-“

“No, you _don’t understand._ I ran a facial recognition test- its 100% _him,_ Rhodey. Same prints, too.”

Rhodes sighed. He knew he had to let Tony speak, even if he knew it was giving him false hope.

“Look- look at this photo.” Indeed, it was a picture of Peter Parker- maybe a bit healthier than they’d last seen him, and in a uniform.

“That’s Major Nokk Rowan, Rhodey. That’s who Peter’s been for the past _three years._ Nokk suddenly showed up- theres no records of him _anywhere_ before then. His prints are the exact same.”

“Tony, that’s not Peter. Its a coincidence.”

“It’s _not-_ it’s really him this time-“

“C’mon Tones, lets get you to bed.”

“No, you have to believe me!” Tony begged, hands splayed on the table.

Rhodey sighed. “I have a meeting with Nokk Rowan in two days. I’ll see who he is, if you go to bed. Now.”

***

Even Rhodey had to admit, the kid did look a _lot_ like Parker. And he had the same prints.

***

I moved through the morning in a haze.

Wade texted me to know he’d be there on time, ready to meet the Colonel with me.

I looked up from my phone and into the mirror, one last time before I left, and said,

“Goodbye, Nokk.”

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment, say hi! and have an amazing day <3


End file.
